I wrote about my depression not too long ago and received so much support and love.  It was amazing.  I still see people around or hear from friends by email wondering how things are going.

Things are going well.  I have been off my medication since Christmas and have had a few bumps in the road but for the most part I feel good. I don't feel great, but I feel good.  I'm more emotional, which is really  a big part of my personality. I've always been emotional. I cry at movies. I cry in church. I cry when I say goodbyes.  That's me.  The hard part is when I feel like if I start to cry I won't stop, for a long time (and in times of depression that has happened). For the most part there have been days where I have a feeling that I may just burst into sobs and not stop. I have to remember that it is okay for people to see me that way and my friends and family will support me, sobbing or not sobbing.  I have some days where I feel blah and just want to take a bath and watch Vampire Diaries, but in general I still feel happy, driven and myself. I know my workouts really help and I've been trying to keep a safe distance from sugar in my diet. Steady blood sugar levels help a lot.  This almost constant Colorado sunshine is great too.

That brings me to the subject of another baby DeFord.  It looks like that will be in the works in the next little while.  I'm trying not to think too much about the hard parts (morning sickness, hugeness, giving birth, and post-pardum depression, sleep deprivation), but focus on the idea of another person coming to this family and that is what I really want.  If you know me and Willie you know that we are crazy about our kids.  Sometimes we'll sigh with relief after they go to bed and relax on the couch and in about an hr our two we find ourselves peaking in at them or cooing over facebook pictures of them.  We love them so much and have never been so happy.  To think of more of that is really exciting.

I am aware that my life is going to change.  I'm at the point now where my kids dress themselves, obey well, set the table, clean up when I ask and I can leave to go to New York for a week and they are fine with me gone, they actually love having so much dad time.  With this in mind, I got an email from the Santa Fe Photographic workshops saying they were discounting a class I wanted to attend.  I had decided not to go this year to save money but the idea of me being close to home with a little one for the next couple of years, helped me decide to make it happen.

The decision was not easy because of the money.  The bonus I got from work this year went straight into our "untouchable" savings account (after buying a few lamps to help with our horrid lighting situation in our house).  When I say "untouchable",  that mean if it goes in it doesn't come out.  That's the only way we are going to build up a nest egg, which we desperately need. So figuring out how to pay for it was the hard part.  Thanks to the support and encouragement of Willie and some answers to prayer, and extra work, it's going to happen. I'm leaving a week from Tuesday back to Santa Fe for some more instruction and inspiration.  It's a four day class on photography as fine art and includes a portfolio review and a lot of instruction that I need to help me progress. I'm driving to cut down on costs and I've never driven so far by myself in my whole life (7hrs).  With a line up of podcasts and some major caffeine, it should go great.  Stayed tuned for updates and pictures.

6 Comments:

  1. Maria Petrova said...
    LOVE this, Sally. You are so brave!
    Cat Mayer said...
    Congrats Sally! Very exciting things ahead for you.
    Steph said...
    You amaze me. Seriously. I could learn a thing or two from your attitude about things. And I totally know what you mean about the scariness of starting over again. I think it's going to be a crazy year for both of us - I'll be staying tuned!
    Steph said...
    Oh - and re: the solo road trip. First of all, FUN. Second of all, books on CD. I drove from Oklahoma to Connecticut - and OK to Santa Fe twice - by myself and those things kept me awake better than any music ever could have. So happy you get to do this again!
    Anna said...
    I know what you mean about adding another person to the family. You know it will be hard but the benefits--sometimes long-term--are worth it. We are trying to make the same decision, but with our options being IVF or adoption, we have to be extra deliberate. Good luck.
    Kaymie said...
    Love you Sally, and your honesty. Maybe a solo driving trip will allow you to call your friends that you haven't talked to in a really long time and catch up with them. Hint:)

    Cary

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