When Yan said she was going to be driving back from Denver and could stop by our house for pictures, I wasn't sure.  It's not a secret that I have body image issues. I wish it wasn't so, but the idea of being photographed right after having a baby made me break out in a cold sweat.  I had to do it, though and I'm so glad I did.

I have admired Yan's work for a while. I love the dreamy, emotional quality of her images and I love the look of film.  Watching Yan work was great.  She was totally in control of the shoot without a pause between her ideas and direction.  She also had a crazy laugh she used to get us laughing and Hank mentioned that he'd like to know how to make that specific laugh.  I love the pictures.  I'll treasure them forever and my first order of business is to get some beautiful prints made.  Pictures like these shouldn't only be for screen viewing.  They need prints to do them justice.  

Here are a few that I really like.

It's been so long. I've thought about writing often, but my free time is scarce and when I have it, I've been quilting, which is something I can do in the evenings.  I'm really enjoying it.  Here are a few appliqué squares I'm working on.

I am going to admit right now that my life is kind of out of control.  I feel like I'm not doing anything really well. I'm apologizing a lot for dropping the ball in so many areas of my life.  I still haven't figured out how to manage all my responsibilities well plus find time to do the things I love.  I'm working on it and am pretty sure i'll figure it out.  I'm trying not to take on anything new and I'm trying to figure out how to cut some things out of my life.    The hard part is that I want to do everything.  The good news is that my family is being fed and loved.  I really miss photography but it is just not fitting in right now.  Soon.

So it's time for a quick update.


We have to start here because she is the center of our world right now.  She is 5 months old and it has gone so fast.  I'm getting this feeling that my life is moving so fast and I want it to slow down.  Is this part of getting old?  Lula is the best baby.  I had no idea having an infant could be this great.  When Willie and I were talking about having a baby, we agreed that we'd have a few hard years ahead of us then we'd have an adorable person like Hank and Wyatt.  Having an infant was something to get through to get another toddler.  This has been so different from Wyatt and Hank.  The more time I spend with Lula, the more I realize Wyatt and Hank were very hard babies. Lula sleeps so much (about 12- 13 hrs at night) and when she's awake she is content and smiley and too adorable for words.  I wonder what our family would be like if she was born first.  Would we have a million kids?  

I am so happy being a mother to Lula right now, that it's hard to put in words.  There is so much baby talk, snuggling, squealing, cooing and laughing.  It's not just me but it's all of us.  We are absolutely in love.  She went on her first camping trip and did great.  She also went on her first trip to Utah and everything went well.  I am so thankful for her. I love her. I'm so excited to see her when she wakes up.  I love when I get to feed her and we have a few minutes alone all snuggled up.  

A New Car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not one to use exclamation points in excess, but I wanted to show just how excited I am.  I could have even thrown in an emoticon if I could figure out how to do it.  Once Lula was born the Subaru became a very tight fit.  You could close to doors but only by pushing the doors hard. It was not comfortable and I'm not even sure if it was safe.  Three car seats/boosters, take up a lot of room.  Besides the not fitting, the no AC thing has long since affected my love for the Subaru, especially in summer.  After Lula was born, I started driving our 1993 Pontiac Transport, my dad sold to us.  Though it has almost everything comfort wise wrong with it (a window that doesn't roll up, the passenger door doesn't open, the back hatch falls on my head, it over heats if you go up a hill, etc), it was a life saver.  We fit well in it and even though it didn't have AC, with the windows down cruising around town, we were happy enough.  My main concern is that we didn't have a car to get us out of town.  We'd have to rent or borrow and I was really aching to have a comfortable road-tripping car.  I want to do more camping and go to utah more and explore around Colorado.

So now we have the mini van of my dreams and I am so thankful.  When I see it out the front door, parked outside, I get a smile on my face.  All I really wanted was enough room, a radio that I could plug my phone into and AC. I got all those things and so much more. It's like driving a fancy space ship around.  I'm so thankful for this new car and I am a happy mini van mom.  We are so blessed and I will offer rides and pick up people (I know) the rest of my life to show my gratitude.


My post-pardum depression has been very manageable this time around.  I think this has to do with a few factors.  One, I was medicated immediately (the night Lula was born).  Two, I am not sleep deprived.  Being under-slept for a long period of time can really mess with you. Even though it was really sad for me not to breastfeed, having my hormones go back to normal quicker has helped a lot. I have my moments where I am very sensitive to stress and I can react with bursting into tears or having feelings of anxiety, but if i try to pull back from the demands on me then I start to improve.  Though I'm dealing with anxiety, my feelings of deep sadness are non-existant.  What a blessing.

The Weight Loss Journey

It's going slow but I'm not discouraged yet.  I'm trying to keep to at least a lb a week but even that is hard. I'm vigilant about clean eating and working out.  There isn't a healthy quick fix to burning 20lbs of fat so I'm hanging in there. I miss my real clothes and feel like I'm dressed like a hobo most of the time, but this is part of how my body reacts to having a baby. It's worth it.  Having my trainer Laurie help me has been great.  She weighs me, she encourages me, she works me out hard.  If I'm not loosing we try new things. Right now I'm eating 1200 calories of healthy food and making sure I burn 500 calories 6 days  week with exercise. That means I have to be very conscious of what I eat and I work out hard.  I feel great but wish it was coming off faster.  I'll get there.  I have around 10lbs to go.

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